Allegiance to the United States of ‘Thieves’
Creating a Stir
With each new day comes a fresh pursuit. Let’s pledge our allegiance to the United States of mischief:
We have Hopalong Cassidy, the meandering Biden, congressional temp George Santos, New Jersey’s Sen. Menendez, and East Side West Side trailing behind their buddy Mayor Eric. Rumors about the wrongdoings in Chicago are already in the air!
In a prime example of our Love Thy Neighbor approach, a 21-page lawsuit was recently filed in the US Southern District of New York against Woody Allen and Soon-Yi. The reason? Their personal chef Hermie Fajardo was dismissed by their home manager due to his active duty status in the US Army Reserve — or so it’s claimed. Allegedly, it was also because he sought a pay raise.
This revolves around his completion of a mandatory training program and his request for a bit more for his salt-baked branzino alongside veggies and dessert, along with compensation for claimed mental anguish, emotional strain, humiliation, embarrassment, anxiety, diminished self-esteem, suffering — and perhaps a partridge in a pear tree.
Filed last week, the lawsuit extends over another six pages. It would likely be cheaper to grant him a raise than to cover his legal fees.
Disastrous Hotel Incidents
And if Sean Combs has a spare moment, his inventory of alleged “sexual offenses” has just been hit with additional lawsuits. His current residence? The Metropolitan Detention Center (Brooklyn). His legal team, more numerous than a jury, includes Rheingold Giuffra Ruffo Plotkin and Hellman.
The defendants—Bad Boy Entertainment Holdings, Bad Boy Entertainment LLC, Bad Boy Productions Holdings Inc., Daddy’s House Recordings, and Sony Music Holdings—are accused of failing to warn the plaintiff about the dangers posed by Combs and the likelihood of sexual assault occurring in the hotel suite during that time.
Combs’ attorneys responded to The Post, stating: “These accusations are filled with falsehoods.”
As for how long P. Diddy/Sean Combs will occupy his current cell, it’s anyone’s guess. What I do know is that it’s not just females facing these issues now. These complaints could linger until Kamala decides to don a skirt.
Whispers
At Cipriani 42nd Street, the Animal Medical Center’s Top Dog gala, chaired by Nancy Kissinger, Annette de la Renta, and Elaine Langone, attracted attendees like the Tisches, Schwarzmans, Bernadette Peters, and John Miller. This event supports AMC’s mission to provide care for animals. Great initiative! Now if only they could help my 5-pound Yorkie Jellybean improve his bathroom etiquette, I would be eternally thankful.
Leading Figure
Now playing in theaters is “Mufasa: The Lion King,” featuring Beyoncé and Blue Ivy. The music is penned by Lin-Manuel Miranda. These prequels take quite a while to produce, and meeting characters at a younger age feels akin to flipping through a family photo album. The film also boasts voices from Seth Rogen, Donald Glover, and Billy Eichner.
Lost in Magic
It’s unfortunate to report that last week we said goodbye to my longtime friend, the mentalist Kreskin. He had a knack for making predictions, finding lost belongings, and uncovering things I misplaced. There was a time I couldn’t find a collection of gold bracelets; Kreskin discovered them nestled in a shoe in my closet. They remained lost for three years before he found them.
I’ve heard researchers are looking into a new type of cholesterol that prevents bodily issues—much like the kind found in Joe Biden’s arteries.
Only in America, kids, only in America.
