Be All In: Unlock Your Full Power

One of the things that really humbled me in recent years is the realization that I’m often only halfway in on anything I do. I’m rarely ever really all in.

For example, I might join a coaching program with the idea of trying it out but be unsure if I can do it. Then, when things start to get hard or overwhelming, I might start looking for the exit or hide so that I don’t have to be embarrassed. Halfway in means being ready to be all the way out.

Another example: I commit to meditating every day. Then, when I’m meditating, instead of being fully in the meditation, maybe I’m waiting for it to be over or giving myself reasons I should end early. Then two days into it, maybe I really don’t feel like it, so I skip it. Then I find reasons to keep skipping it. This is even less than halfway in.

Most of us do this in just about everything we do. And it has a really corrosive effect on whatever we’re taking on, as well as our trust in ourselves.

Does it have to be this way? Let’s take a look at what it looks like to be all in and why we rarely do that. And then we’ll look at how being all in can create something powerful in your life.

What It’s Like to Be All In

Some of us have an experience of being all in somewhere in our lives. Here are some life areas and experiences that might be true for you:

• Your kids—you’re not about to abandon them when they’re not behaving the way you would like.
• Your marriage—a subset of people are fully committed and will do what it takes to work it out, even when there are really big problems. There are others who get ready to bolt when big problems flare up. Which are you?
• Best friend—maybe you have a bestie to whom you’re fully committed, whom you’ll be there for no matter what, whom you’ll never abandon, even when they’re lashing out and not being ideal.

If you can relate to one of these—like having kids—then imagine what it would be like to have that kind of all-in commitment to whatever you do.

Imagine working on a creative project and having no question that you’ll complete it. Even when things get hard, you’re working with the difficulties. Even when you feel like giving up, you don’t give yourself the option. Even when you miss a few days, you come back without any questions. Even if you die with it incomplete, you’ll die knowing that you gave it your all.

Doubts might come up, but those are expected. Your heart is fully in it. This is full devotion.

Why We Avoid That

We rarely let ourselves be all in because it’s hard and scary.

We don’t think we can do it. We don’t think we’re strong enough. We have a lot of evidence that we’ll screw it up, based on past experience. We don’t trust ourselves.

We don’t trust the other person. We fear what they really think of us, or we think they’ll abandon or hurt us or let us down. Yet again.

We don’t think we can work out the hard problems. They feel intractable, overwhelming, or out of our control. We hate not having full control.

It’s easier to run. But it leaves our full heart and power unused.

The Power Created by Being All In

What you’ll find if you’re all in:

• Deeper commitment creates deeper confidence.
• The greatest results you’re capable of achieving.
• Transformation—you’ll be able to do things you couldn’t or become who you weren’t.
• Deeper relationships, with more trust.
• A deeper relationship with yourself, with more trust.
• A realization that you didn’t need the exit door.
• A deeper devotion to whatever you care about.

Of course, a deeper commitment doesn’t mean staying in an abusive relationship or anything that’s harmful to you. It means that when you want to run from something healthy and meaningful, you stand your ground and find something deeper inside to keep you going.

What would that do for the projects that are most important to you? For the relationships that you care about most? How would you show up differently for your purpose in life?

How to Practice

This isn’t another set of expectations to judge yourself by. This is about practicing deepening.

Here’s how you might practice:

1. Notice the situations where you’re looking for an exit. Where are you only half committed?
2. Notice how this impacts your life, the people you’re in a relationship with, and what you care about.
3. Notice the fears that keep you looking for the exit. Can you be with these fears as if they were only a sensation in your body?
4. Notice what you want to do from those fears: run, hide, eject someone from your life, quit, and so forth. Can you hold these fears with love and acknowledge them as something you’ve created to protect yourself?
5. When the fears show up, try to catch yourself. Notice what you want to do, and recognize that this is just a safety mechanism. Breathe. Be with the fear. Give yourself love.
6. Then, see what else might be created if you don’t run.

This isn’t an easy practice. I highly recommend you get some support. Tell your friends and loved ones what you’re working on. Seek others facing similar challenges.