Confronting Your Addiction to Negative Thoughts

The human mind can tap into some amazing tools, such as reason and logic. But it can also become infested with unfounded worries and worst-case scenarios that insist on clouding your brain.

We may justify this negative inner dialogue by telling ourselves that we’re prudently preparing for the future or thoughtfully processing the past. And yet the vast quantity of these thoughts never seem to find the answers or resolution we seek.

Once we’ve had enough of this negative chatter we may still struggle to stop it—its habitual groves worn deep within the folds of our minds. It’s as if our mind now has a mind of its own, as it constantly rehashes our insecurities, concerns, and complaints over and over again—ad-nauseam—whether we want to hear them or not.

Researchers define this type of talking to ourselves self-chatter as “repetitive negative thinking”(RNT) because it tends to dwell on negative feelings and events. RNT is characterized by a combination of rumination (the habit of examining the cause and meaning of a particular concern) and worry (a nagging notion about a negative outcome).

Stress, bad news, or traumatic memories can push anyone toward worry and rumination, though some people suffer from this mindset more than others. RNT isn’t a mental health condition by itself, but it has been found to often play a role in serious mental health concerns, such as depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder.

So what drives this dark mind loop? Does it provide any benefit? Moreover—have we any power to stop it? Nancy Colier, psychotherapist and interfaith minister, has some insights into these questions. You can also listen to the podcast interview here.

Colier, author of the book, “Can’t Stop Thinking: How to Let Go of Anxiety and Free Yourself from Obsessive Rumination,” says this mindset can take many forms. We may use it to scare ourselves, criticize ourselves, or tell ourselves about everything that’s wrong with every person that’s ever walked into our lives (even in imaginary scenarios.) In general, it’s thinking that causes self-suffering.

“It’s really like carrying around somebody who just tells us really terrible things,” Colier said. “Truth be told, it thinks it’s helping us in some sort of bizarre way.”

Addicted to Thoughts

The human ability for complex thought is one of our most celebrated traits, and yet the practice doesn’t always produce positive or productive results. Our brains can ruminate on some ideas for days, weeks, or even years with little more than insomnia to show for it.

So why does our brain, which has so much potential for greatness, become so fixated on torturing us with distressing worries, arguments, and concerns?

Colier says it’s a type of addiction. Her observation comes from her work as a therapist for nearly 30 years—talking to hundreds of people—some of whom actually describe being hopelessly hooked on their negative thoughts, much like a drinker gets hooked on alcohol.

In the past few years, we’ve seen the addiction label expand beyond the traditional boundaries of drug abuse, to things like food, sex, or video games. Pushing the boundary even further into something as intangible and personal as thoughts may at first seem like a stretch. But how else would you describe the experience of being trapped in an indulgent and destructive habitual loop that masterfully evades control?

Colier says one reason that people have a hard time seeing thoughts as addictive is that our culture has so much reverence for thinking. We hold our ability to reason, analyze, and think things through in high regard.

But consider the possibility that some thoughts can be—not a path to enlightenment—but a means of escape. Our minds become so obsessed with preparing for the future or working out the past that we fritter away our precious present.

“We get wrapped up with what we will or won’t do. Or we go over the same things over and over. It’s because we don’t actually want to feel it,” Colier said. “It might look like we’re trying to get out of it in a healthy and productive way, but what we’re really doing is avoiding the moment just like we use alcohol, shopping, or drugs.”

If thoughts can actually be addictive, they vary from other addictions in a substantial way: We may decide to abstain from drugs and alcohol in order to quit them. However, it would be a mistake to quit thinking cold turkey.

In order to think in moderation, you have to first recognize the limits of the mind. While many situations require logic, reason, and thorough analysis, these are not always the right tools for the job.

“In matters that are really more heart matters, or body matters, where we try and do our pro and con list, and we try and think it through again and again, and there’s no stone we haven’t left unturned, then it’s the wrong tool,” Colier said.

The goal is to think with purpose—not just out of habit—but breaking this habit typically isn’t easy. In modern society in particular, it has become our predominant strategy for life. Colier observes that people have stopped trusting our other ways of knowing, such as intuition or gut feelings. As a result, we have come to expect everything to be scientifically verified in order to deem its worth.

“What I get asked all the time is: ‘What is the evidence base? Where are the MRIs that you’ve seen? What’s the science in this? How did you figure this out?’” Colier said. “We have put all our eggs in the figuring out basket, and it is at the exclusion of so many other ways of being a human being.”

Physical Exercise

Some people turn to exercise to give their incessant chatter-brain a rest and claim it allows them to switch gears, and tune into their body. Research shows that physical exercise is an effective means of combating conditions associated with RNT, such as depression and anxiety.

One meta-analysis recently published in the British Journal of Sports Medicine found that exercise was 1.5 times more effective at reducing mild to moderate anxiety, stress, and depression than pharmaceuticals or cognitive behavioral therapy. There’s even a popular meme in the weightlifting community that describes the effect: “Lift heavy stone—sad voice goes quiet.”

Colier agrees that physical exercise is great for helping pull us out of our head for a while, but she warns that we may inadvertently be letting our mind infiltrate the experience. Apps or Fitbits designed to report improvements in data such as your heart rate and how many calories you’re burning during your workout are certainly informative but also shift your focus back to the mind.

“So we are now again, one step away from the direct experience of it. We are in the narrative about it,” Colier said about using tech while exercising. “‘What is this doing for me? How will this help my health?’ We’re talking about the present moment rather than inhabiting it.”

Approaching With Awareness

Worry and rumination have always been deeply ingrained in the human struggle. But it’s particularly hard to escape the negative mental hamster wheel with all the unprecedented problems that plague our modern world. To cope, many of us just double down on our thinking in an effort to orient ourselves, and yet only feel more disoriented as a result.

“What we’re really trying to do is control what feels uncontrollable,” Colier said. “But we may never be able to understand it, or we may understand it and not feel any peace from understanding it.”

Another reason why it’s difficult to reign in our runaway ruminations is because we see them as something precious and identify so closely with them. This incredibly intimate connection we have with our own insights is why we take it so hard when our opinions are questioned, belittled, or attacked. We take it very personally—because we see our thoughts as an extension of ourselves.

“We’ve been taught again and again that ‘if you don’t agree with my thoughts, then I’m somehow not okay, or I’m being denigrated,’” Colier said. “But we don’t need everyone to agree. Our thoughts are not universally true. They’re just thoughts. And we wear them more like a loose garment.”

Colier’s advice involves developing some distance from your thoughts, by realizing that they aren’t actually you. The process is similar to some forms of meditation. It begins by becoming mindful of your thought process, and recognizing thoughts for what they are—just ideas and suggestions that you can choose to accept or reject as they float through your brain. Instead of automatically following every troubling notion that creeps in, cultivating a sense of distance from your thoughts can make it easier to let them go.

Of course, some thoughts are easier to release than others. The more complex and emotionally charged the thought, the harder the exercise becomes. If, for example, a thought recalls how someone may have hurt or mistreated you, its tenacity is not so easy to ignore.

“The more family is involved, the stickier [thoughts] get. So we need tools in those cases, to talk to the thoughts, and acknowledge the hurt in those thoughts,” Colier said.

Practicing Self Compassion

One very important tool for approaching sticky thoughts is developing compassion for yourself. This involves acknowledging the hurt you felt or the disrespect and abuse you endured, but it also requires the courage to tell yourself that repeatedly flogging yourself with the memories of the events isn’t going to take the pain away.

“It’s a process of first recognizing that we are trapped in this cycle of suffering. And then asking, ‘What is it that the mind is really trying to heal?’ Because so often it’s just this mistaken way of trying to feel better. And then recognizing, from the wiser, more evolved self, that, ‘Sweetheart, this is not going to be the path,’” Colier said.

Of course, developing this sense of detachment and self-compassion takes practice and dedication. Especially if berating yourself has been your default setting for years—treating yourself with kindness can feel unnatural, and even dangerous. We fear we may no longer be productive if we aren’t constantly flogging ourselves.

“But what we find, though, is compassion unleashes this incredible productivity that comes from a different place. It’s not slave-driven,” Colier said. “We have to start taking baby steps to say, ‘What if I treated myself in this moment like I was someone I liked? What would it take?’ You probably wouldn’t say you’re a piece of nothing, and you never do anything good. I don’t think I’d motivate anyone that way. I would probably remind them of all the things they’ve done that have been positive.”

Many see their self-punishing inner dialogue as a way to motivate themselves, but Colier believes it’s a misguided strategy. She says shifting our intent to becoming friendlier and more encouraging with ourselves may actually prove to be much more productive because it leads us to a more peaceful and balanced place.

“It does take a leap of faith because we’ve been so heavily conditioned to say the only solution is more mind, more thoughts, and telling ourselves what we need to do. But our peace is in the surrender,” Colier said.