Wherein Jason Momoa Finally Nails His Acting Niche
PG-13 | 2h 21m | Action, Comedy | May 19, 2023
Well—I didn’t want to like it.
I basically hate these “Fast and Furious” movies; I can’t stand the whole dumb-as-a-bag-of-hammers concept: A bunch of car-mechanic criminals, basically, save the world via stunt-driving, all while being surrounded by Brazilian girls in thong bikinis. And then they all gather around a picnic table and extol the virtues of family, while drinking Corona beers by the case.
There’s a book I’d like to recommend at this time: it’s called Dumbing Down America: The War on Our Nation’s Brightest Young Minds. Perhaps you’ve heard of it? “Fast and Furious” franchise mastermind Vin Diesel is cited therein as Public Enemy Number One. I just made that up. But it might as well be true.
But see, this is what happens: the F&F franchise hits you relentlessly with a scatter-shot blast of dude-and-bro stuff that, if you’re a dude/bro, you probably like on some level. On many levels. They cover a wide range of dude things; throw a whole bunch of bro stuff up against the wall and see what sticks. And in my case it goes something like this:
“Uggghh, not another one of these … oh wait a minute … that’s a nice 1970 Dodge Charger R/T right there. I love vintage Dodge Chargers! Hmmm! … I love all these ’70s muscle cars, actually. And look at the fabulous super cars on display too—I love fabulous super cars! And look at all the beautiful women. I love beautiful women! And look at all these big, hilarious tough guys, like The Rock. I like The Rock! Oh, and there’s the guy who plays Jack Reacher on Netflix. I like Jack Reacher, too! Jack Reacher’s very funny! And there’s funny Jason Statham and funny John Cena.”
“Oh, and look! There’s big, tough, Harley-Davidson-riding, funny Jason Momoa doing a villain role dressed all in billowy purple satin, driving a matching custom paint-job lavender Chevy Impala with Cragar mags, that matches his purple, lavender, and fuchsia fingernail polish, and doing a kind of campy, gay interpretation. Which is a hilarious choice for him to make and he steals the entire movie with it. I like macho Jason Momoa stealing the whole stupid car and thong bikini movie with hysterical feigned swishy-ness—I guess I’m having fun now!”
See? This is how they get you. And if it can happen to a cynical film critic like me, trust me, it can just as easily happen to you too. So if you don’t like the concept of these movies, the way I don’t—don’t go. It’s a giant waste of time. But unfortunately, a little bit fun too.
What Goes On
As mentioned, it’s got all the usual elements: fast, sexy cars, Brazilian beachwear, completely impossible computer-generated stunts that our dumbed-down society has now grown to think might be actually possible, and of course—family. It might be missing a plot that makes any kind of sense, but then, all of the so-called plots in this franchise are merely excuses to parade all the dude-and-bro stuff. So “Fast X” has that.
Now, the deal with Jason Momoa’s Dante Reyes: It’s revealed that his father (Joaquim de Almeida) was killed by the Fast and Furious boys 12 years ago. We also come to find out Dante’s a psycho, having been in juvie, psych wards, and prisons. And as mentioned, he’s a rather flamboyant fellow.
Dante wants to destroy everything Dominic loves. The path to this destruction involves lots of fast and furious car chases through São Paulo, Rome, and a small Portuguese village. There’s plenty of kicking, punching, and submission grappling moves, involving, most notably, Cipher (Charlize Theron) versus Letty (Michelle Rodriguez).
The whole gang is here: Ludacris, Tyrese Gibson, Sung Kang, Jordana Brewster, Brie Larson, and so on. Rito Moreno makes an appearance as Dom’s grandma. Bringing up the rear is the eternally young Dame Helen Mirren.
The Rock may or may not show up, and, in the same way there was once a link-up between the “Fast and Furious” muscle-car franchise, with Jason Statham’s “Tranpsorter” super-car franchise, if you stay for the post-credit-roll scene, you may find there’s a hook-up with yet another, giant franchise. (Hint: Which franchise started the whole post-credit-roll scene thing in the first place?)
So Many Stars, So Little Sense
Never known for its scintillating dialogue, “Fast X’ belongs, entirely, to Jason Momoa. This may be the movie where it became apparent that Momoa finally nailed his acting wheelhouse. Although he’s a huge, scary-looking brute of a man, and exceedingly intimidating when he’s just standing there, he doesn’t actually do menace believably. He tries it here a couple of times, and the whole audience snickers. The only time he was truly menacing was as Khal Drogo in “Game of Thrones.” But that’s because we didn’t know him yet.
If you follow Momoa on Instagram, which I do, because he likes all the stuff I like, i.e., Harley-Davidsons, rock climbing, weight-lifting, Brazilian jiu-jitsu, bass guitar a lá rock band Primus’s Les Claypool, metal band Metallica, acting, filmmaking, and until recently, ex-wife Lisa Bonet—you discover he’s a giant goofball. Dangerous, to be sure, but like a big kid who can’t believe he actually succeeded in becoming a famous actor. He’s hilarious. So the revelation that his big bruiser self is primarily good at comedy, and watching him having a gleeful blast playing an effeminate baddie—is rather fun, actually.
I’m giving it 3 stars for how it bludgeoned me into submission with the delights of the bro and the dude … but mostly I still hate it.
“Fast X” debuts in theaters worldwide Friday, May 19.
‘Fast X’
Director: Louis Leterrier
Starring: Vin Diesel, Jason Momoa, Michelle Rogriguez, Jason Statham, John Cena, Brie Larson, Tyrese Gibson, Ludacris, Charlize Theron, Helen Mirren, Nathalie Emmanuel
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 2 hours, 21 minutes
Release Date: May 19, 2023
Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
