A Hospital Visit Was My Only Barrier to Attending Donald Trump’s Inauguration

A frosty reception for hospitals

Winter getaways. Colorado. Switzerland. Tahoe. Iceland. For me, it’s the ICU.

Forget the snow, skis, and sleet. For me: serum, bandages, injections, nurses, doctors — and hospital food so atrocious it could’ve come from Guantanamo. More dangerous than the front lines in Ukraine.

Surrounded by nurses, doctors, machines, and needles. I did not attend the inauguration. While watching CNN go down the drain, I was amused to learn that when Joe and Mika arrived, Himself made them mow Mar-a-Lago’s lawn first before entering through the servants’ entrance.

Once, I was covering an inauguration in Philadelphia and had a diamond bracelet stolen. The last time — to honor Donald Trump’s first election — I found myself at Kellyanne Conway’s table. With her husband.

His only task was to carry her mink coat. She subsequently left him. Not foolish, she held on to the mink.

Let’s keep it brief

Donald told Bill O’Reilly he’d talk for 45 minutes. Please. Just the mention of Hunter’s uncashed checks from Albania would take longer.

Additionally, Jill Biden wouldn’t leave the ladies’ room. That Buttigieg kid — who still doesn’t know when the War of 1812 took place — had to go in and tell her, “Hon, it’s either Delaware or Greenland.”

Even though sidelined, I overheard a new State Department secretary tell her boss: “I can’t take dictation as quickly as your previous secretary.”

So, the pressing question is, what was her rate of undressing?

Now for some realities. I’ve exited Intensive Care. The ever-complaining Democrats think it’s all Ulysses S. Grant’s fault — primarily because they can’t even pronounce his name. Most simply call him Ralph.

And let’s forget Kamala — which we already have. Kamala? The one who seemingly emerged from the womb in a pantsuit? With a spouse who carries all the elegance of a used toilet?

Heads of State rarely write their own inauguration fluff. Exception? George Washington. His 200 words could suggest “As president I must live in New York which I loathe.” Yeah? Behave, and you’re not any better looking than Jerry Nadler.

Also, speaking of Panama — where they overprice hats — I’ve been awake all night.

ICU, NYC! ICU

So, what got me into the ICU? I was so out of it that I thought those were my initials. I’ll try to explain later. Could I blame it all on Pelosi, who left wealthy enough to buy her Clairol in bulk?

What’s the difference between an inauguration and an MRI? Wardrobe. Stethoscopes and handbags rarely match.

And the classic white uniforms with matching caps? Now it’s Crocs, jeans, plaid shirts, and irritation when you tumble out of bed and disrupt their cellphone’s to-do list.

Is your room warm? Try Jacksonville. Clean? Good luck with that. Breakfast? Rikers receives four stars. I mean, come on.

It feels so wonderful to be back writing! It was a lonely existence without you, kids; it was lonely without you.