America’s Friendship Crisis: The Toll It’s Taking on Us

Friendship in America is rapidly waning: We find ourselves more isolated than ever, and the divide continues to widen. Is this significant?

It is. We recognize that strong friendships are beneficial to our well-being.

Individuals with more robust social connections tend to live longer than those lacking such ties, as highlighted in a recent study published in the UK’s Nature Medicine journal. Researchers determined that living with a partner provides similar health benefits as regular exercise, and having close friends to confide in also contributes to a longer life.

Loneliness is an insidious threat. A report from the US Surgeon General in 2023 identified it as equally dangerous as smoking, linking it to an increased risk of cardiovascular diseases, dementia, strokes, depression, anxiety, and premature death — and over 60% of Americans experience loneliness regularly, according to various surveys.

Beyond its effects on personal health, this trend poses a threat to America as a whole. A society marked by a lack of interpersonal relationships inevitably becomes lower in trust, making it more susceptible to crime and civil unrest.

The decline in friendships can be quantitatively assessed, impacting every age and demographic group, with working-class Americans appearing to be the most affected.

In 1990, very few reported having no close friends: only 2% of college graduates and 3% of those with only a high school diploma. However, by 2024, data from the Survey Center for American Life indicates that these numbers rose to 10% among college graduates and an alarming 26% among high school graduates without a degree.

In 1990, 49% of high school graduates acknowledged having at least six close friends, a number that has since plummeted to just 17%. The drop among college graduates, while significant, has not been as steep.

The reasons behind this trend are not entirely clear. It may be that educational institutions have shifted more towards providing social experiences than solid educational foundations over recent decades. Many students choose colleges based on a “good fit,” connecting predominantly with like-minded individuals, thus forging enduring friendships.

We have long speculated on the reasons behind the decline in marriage rates and the corresponding drop in birth rates in America. Many attribute this to financial burdens: Young Americans reportedly cannot afford homes as their parents could at the same age; others point to insufficient parental leave and inadequate day-care options.

While this may be true, the concurrent fall in close friendships raises questions. After all, forming friendships should not be financially prohibitive, should it?

The COVID-19 pandemic restrictions only expedited the trend of migrating our activities online, and it seems friendships have followed suit.

Early on, the internet brought people together based on shared interests, fostering real-life relationships. For a period, in-person events for bloggers were bustling; we “knew” each other online, but meeting face-to-face mattered.

Today, however, social media has lost its social aspect. We now carry pocket-sized televisions everywhere, often spending our time watching videos alone. Genuine socialization appears to have become an afterthought.

A Pew Research Poll in 2018 showed that teenagers who connected with friends online were also more inclined to socialize in person. Yet by 2022, the number of in-person engagements among teens had drastically decreased.

Can their online acquaintances serve as substitutes for real-life companions? Potentially — if those so-called “friends” are even genuine.

Last year, research indicated that 25% of young adults “feel AI could replace real-life romantic relationships.”

The media tends to normalize this phenomenon: For instance, a New York Times piece last month featured a married woman who reportedly fell in love with ChatGPT. The subheading declared, “And yes, they do have sex.”

No, they definitely do not have sex, because there isn’t a “they” in this scenario.

The notion of primarily online living has already reached a concerning point. We should not commend someone for spending their time at home conversing with their AI and developing feelings for, essentially, themselves.

Now is the moment to halt this detrimental trend. Social transformations occur gradually — and then abruptly.

Replacing real friendships first with online-only “friends” that we never physically encounter, and eventually with AI that merely echoes our desires, could completely alter human society — and we should not be moving in that direction without considering the implications.

It is our collective responsibility to reinforce America’s faltering social structure. Let’s actively address this urgent issue, both for our personal health and the nation’s welfare.

It’s straightforward: Pursue “third spaces,” environments outside your home and work where you can meet people.

Making new friends becomes increasingly challenging as we age, but becoming a familiar face at a local café or participating in community services can facilitate new friendships.

Moreover, we can help the upcoming generation. Encourage your children and teens to engage in friendships offline. Make it easier for them to maintain their social circles in person by organizing and promoting real-life interactions.

Most critically, lead by example: Build friendships, meet in person, and resist the urge to live life exclusively through your phone.

Karol Markowicz is co-author of the book “Stolen Youth.”