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Avoid seeking comfort from your uncle during your arraignment to prevent tears

At last month’s arraignment in Atlanta, an individual dressed in an Uncle Sam costume exclaimed, “The Constitution’s my birth certificate, socialism’s my death certificate.” Spectators, puzzled, inquired about the identity of the individual donning striped pants and a top hat. Upon learning that he was “Uncle Sam,” they questioned his relation. On July 31st, we will commemorate the 170th anniversary of the true Uncle Sam’s passing. Samuel Wilson, also known as Uncle Sam, was born in 1766. Troy, NY, proudly displays a prominent “Uncle Sam” statue. The reason behind it lies in Wilson’s occupation as a meatpacker, where he supplied beef to the military during the War of 1812. His barrels of beef were labeled with “US,” signifying Uncle Sam. Wilson also produced men’s collars and buggy whips, earning Troy the nickname “collar city.” Today, only Uncle Sam’s legacy remains, with hopes that it will outlast those collars and buggy whips.

Uptown barstoolie, Michael Cohen, a prominent lawyer, can often be found at the Regency Hotel bar and grill in New York City. He consistently laments the loss of his law license while utilizing the establishment, which is conveniently located near his residence, as if it were his office. Regulars claim he sits there in his jeans, engaging closely with the waitstaff. These days, Michael Cohen is a permanent fixture at the Regency Hotel bar and grill.

The Friars Club is a thing of the past, now being referred to as “The ReFriars Club.” Their page explains that it consists of a loosely connected group of former members reuniting to share enjoyable and fraternal experiences. Details of luncheons, cocktail mixers, and other club-centric events will be listed, taking place at various venues throughout the city. The invitation extends to all former Friars Club members, their families, friends, and anyone who has ever aspired to join. However, the chances of seeing legends like Milton Berle, Frank Sinatra, or George Burns return for their regular lunches are unpredictable at best.

The Hamptons, a well-known getaway destination, is now disembodied from city-dwellers as they are referred to as “Cidiots.” Author Miles Jaffe has captured the area’s local vernacular in his book “The Hamptons Dictionary: The Essential Guide to Class Warfare.” The book showcases terms like “Cleaverage” (what men desire from women), “Scum” (self-centered urban males), “shags to riches” (promoting advancement through intimate relationships), “trasholes” (referring to dumpsters), and “trustafarians” (a term for trust fund kids). However, Jaffe’s publication has not made its way into the Library of Congress.

Handbag designer Nancy Gonzalez faces the possibility of 25 years in prison from federal authorities in Florida for using endangered python and alligator skins to create and sell handbags to wealthy customers at Bergdorf’s. While it is undeniable that she has broken the law, it raises questions as to why individuals who commit more serious crimes such as theft, murder, or assault receive lighter penalties. Is this justice? In New York City, it appears so, as Dragg Snagg Bragg seeks financial support from Soros for his career advancement. Why doesn’t Soros deposit that money into my bank account and leave us alone? Nevertheless, we must appreciate our incredible politicians. One councilman has proposed a remarkable solution to alleviate NYC’s traffic issues: encouraging car theft. This is a unique characteristic of New York City.

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