Celebrating Ireland this St. Patrick’s Day: A Nation Known for Its Warmth Over France

The Parade is Approved

Everything around me is celebrating St. Patrick’s Day. Even my beloved cantaloupe has turned green.

Even that charming fellow Harry, whose wife is still trying to make a quick buck on TV. Why? Because cash is her favorite hue.

St. Pat’s. The devoted procession moves up Fifth Avenue and stumbles down Sixth. And have you heard about the Galway psychiatrist who opted for a Murphy bed instead of a couch?

Dick Van Dyke, at 99, whose book “Keep Moving: And Other Tips and Truths About Living Well Longer” advises: “You’ve got to keep the ‘Bang Bang’ in your Chitty Chitty.”

Forget leprechauns, Irish stew, and corned beef. What did Irish lass Kathy Hochul dine on this week at Le Bilboquet on East 60th? What might Emerald Isle stars like Daniel Day-Lewis in County Wicklow or Bono, Michael Fassbender, Saoirse Ronan, Ruth Negga, Matt Damon, Sarah Jessica Parker, Martin Sheen, and Colin Farrell have enjoyed? Or Jeremy Irons, whose culinary domain resides in a pink castle in West Cork?

Or perhaps you once shared a pint with the late Angela Lansbury, who lived on my street in New York City, and whose home in Ireland I visited while she baked Irish bread? Or my friend Elaine, who edited Melania’s latest best seller and has a residence back on the old sod.

No. Fish. New York’s governor dined on fish. Oh, and there was a serving of french fries.

Forget bacon and cabbage, pudding and limericks. We now ponder the few inches of sod that house those french fries. Tiny little France—RuPaul’s closet is larger. Known for fabric, perfume, accents—and a lack of gratitude. Who seems to have forgotten that in World War II, our great country saved their ungrateful nation?

France’s Grand Tour de Farce

I am a passionate admirer of the United States of America. However, we will resolve our issues without your assistance. You just stick to selling overpriced fabrics in your little domain—my living room is bigger. As for your senator Claude Malhuret—about whom no one cares or speaks—he just took a jab at us. In the French senate—a country that munches on frog legs—he lambasted Trump and Musk.

France. That has offered nothing noteworthy since Brigitte Bardot. High debt, deficits, an uncertain future, slow growth, left-wing politics, poverty, health crises, racism, pollution issues, riots, violence, high unemployment, social troubles—often unfriendly to guests—and these are the highlights. And yet IT—and HIM—are disparaging the USA?

Hold on there. On paper. Hire Hunter Biden if you’re looking for a win. But don’t you dare spit on the greatest nation God ever made—or we’ll take away your shimmer.

Ukraine’s Zelensky might recognize this:

A diplomat is someone who can send you to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the journey.

Only heard in DC, kids, only in DC.