Expect bars to remain open on Election Day – voting for these candidates will require some liquid courage

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On Election Day, the speediest way to determine the winner of tomorrow is if Pat Sajak spins the wheel.

A strange scenario where Mrs. Biden might attach a letter to Joe’s fly to inform him of his re-election. Hunter would recognize the stamps on the envelope, though Joe wouldn’t know where it came from.

Biden now refers to Mitch McConnell as “kid” and in a depiction of the Last Supper, Joe is portrayed third from the right.

A voting booth sign in Moscow reads: “Check the box for ‘Communist.’ The life you save might be your own.”

All bars in America remain open on Election Day. Why? Because no one can vote for any of these candidates while sober.

Every candidate aims to beautify our prisons because many end up there.

Schumer says, “To err is human. To blame the other guy is antisemitism.”

A newcomer requests $10 million for their campaign. The chairman assures it won’t be that expensive. The newbie responds, “Yes, but if I lose, I need to live comfortably.”

Adam bull Schiff. A troubled childhood. Forget his flaws. His parents only stayed together for the sake of their dog.

Joe Biden’s attention-seeking wife is writing a book detailing the challenges of politics. The title? “Women Are From Bloomingdale’s.”

Kamala’s VP pick made a bold statement, saying, “The military must contribute — or we won’t have a pot to contribute in.”

Rumors suggest that a sign advertising group rates hangs over Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s bed.

I am not against Mike Pence. It’s just his veins that prevent him from being completely colorless.

Bernie Sanders? Details of his memorial service are yet to be announced.

What hasn’t been said about Kamala that wasn’t mentioned about hazardous waste?

Note: Millions of unnamed migrants have traveled to DC seeking warmth in the congressional hot air.

It’s an unconfirmed rumor, but if Kamala’s husband meets Nepal’s former President Bidya Devi Bhandari, there is talk he might slap her face.

Pete Buttigieg, at age 11, with a husband he met online, was mayor of South Bend with a population of eight and now serves on the White House team. The question remains, why?

According to Woody Allen, great political wisdom states, “A man kills for food. Not just food. There must also be a beverage.”

Let’s not diminish what’s left of Biden. He never joined Alcoholics Anonymous. Every time he followed the 12-step program, he stumbled on each step.

He is aware of his limitations — even if that’s all he knows.

I don’t favor Biden — I’m just saddened by his departure. He was once a skilled organist. Then, one day, his monkey passed away.

I cherish this country. Pray for it. Vote for it. Defend it. Love it.