‘My ear will be fine, trust me’
Standing tall above it all
E pluribus unum. All for one and one for all. Please God, bless America.
I spoke with Donald right afterward. His fist had been bumped up when It happened. Hours later, his voice was up and bright as always and he told me: “Listen, I already knew that America’s previous presidential assassinations or attempts — James Garfield, Abraham Lincoln, Ronald Reagan, Donald Trump — were all, every single one of them, Republicans.”
We also discussed how — since he’s already the most famous face in the world — his is now a sure direct walk-in to the White House.
“Yeah, I already know that,” he said. We just must pray that no housebound aging Democrat effs it up. (Me, I added that.)
Donald: “Look, my ear will be fine. I’m told it’s salvageable. It’s good. Doctors in the hospital, which is where they took me, checked. They’ve said it’s not dead. The hearing’s still OK. However, there is a possibility you just might notice it could have a very slightly different look when you face me.”
He laughed, then: “Who knows, it maybe could end up in a somewhat different shape.”
Donald Trump. An attempt on his life. Dragged through the courts. And still standing as tall as the flag on our White House.
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The right person for the job?
MEANWHILE, locals in Delaware, the size of my tweezers, mumble Joe owns big inches of it — yet Mrs. Biden’s pushing to stay in the White House. Why? Because . . . face it . . . who the hell wants him home?
Biden’s crafty. No dealing with employees, unions, sales or making a living. Always No. 2 or below. No Go-To Guy. He’d have sold Hunter’s whole arm for the job of president.
Hustling politics since the Dutch haggled for Manhattan, he knows the game, name, who to blame.
But, like Nancy Pelosi’s right bra strap that kept showing out of her dress in last week’s TV interviews, he’s slipped.
Problem is, next up is silver-tongued Kamala who’s adored second only to Joe’s former people-eating police dog Commander.
Jailbirds sing
AMERICA’s now a third world country. Newly imprisoned Steve Bannon, looking to connect with his daughter, had to hire a jury consultant and submit names to and from whom he may communicate. Said Trump’s longtime friend: “I may be destroyed but I will serve my country as I must.” Another jailmate, Peter Navarro, is writing a book. Potential title: “Postcards From a Biden Prison.”
Bad news
ATTENTION: Accused realty brother brokers Oren and Alon Alexander might be the next mama’s boys caught in more alleged rape headlines. Also, their legal shop might want to read up on similar news stories. Like stuff on Harvey Weinstein plus Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the former IMF director who in 2011 did a New York hotel maid. I mean, your room’s cleaning lady, whom you barely know, is no way to ask for a new bar of soap.
FYI: East Hampton store posted sales of our nominees’ drinking mugs. Trump cups sold — 926. Biden cups — 410. Not terrific for Barfden.
Be it known that when Biden was in high school — snoozing in its basement — his class voted him “The Most Likely to Hibernate.”
Only in New York — and Washington — kids, only in New York and Washington.
