Pastor Bob Larson offers exorcisms for a fee to help rid you of inner demons
Good works for the soul
American pastor Bob Larson performs exorcisms. I remember “The Exorcist,” a scary ’70s Ellen Burstyn/Linda Blair horror movie about exorcism. Believe or don’t believe, it’s Catholicism’s sacramental cleansing to protect one from demonic possession.
Larson: “From a farm in Nebraska, pre-med at the university, studies took me to Asia, Africa, Middle East. I saw possession ceremonies I’d never seen before and thought it’s what the Bible means when it says demons.
“No hierarchy regarding it. It’s shadowy. Catholics believe in it with approval of their cardinal. I didn’t know what I was doing but, studying religious documents, I started on my own. It turned into an unplanned career. I was at the Vatican and my own late father was known as the Pope’s Exorcist.
“The experience can be at a church service or public seminar. There’s yelling, screaming, indicating eruption, something’s happening. But people schedule private meetings. In conversation beforehand they indicate they have a demon or been involved in witchcraft. If sufficient evidence of something happening, the effort’s made to engage the demon in interrogation.
“God is great. Powerful. Evil can’t work its way without a legal right or open door, a way to edge in. Like suicide, family violence. Those types eat up the possibility of possession.
“Expenses incur because there’s investigations beforehand. I can handle 30 sessions per week. The $385 donation covers expenses.”
Listen, it’s cheaper than a psychiatrist.
Un-appy driver
Watch. If Trump & Co. stop picking on Hegseth and RFK Jr., next up it’ll be — Elon. While nailed to head USA efficiency — whatever that once was — Elon’s efficiency-op has a few of its own inefficiencies.
One NYC lawyer just ordered a Tesla. With it came phone calls, texts, messages and chat bulletins on the Tesla app because the car had little hang-ups.
Nobody understands why. And nobody understands what the other half’s saying.
One employee said turn the car in without a penalty. Another said he must pay thousands of bucks in penalty.
A third said,“We’ll look into it,” and the last Tesla twit never even returned the lawyer’s call.
And a blessing on Elon’s head mazel tov! Mazel tov.
Of meaty matters
New kid on the block. The block’s 57th East of Park. The kid is swanky steakhouse Rocco that just opened a second spot on East 57th and for 10 years was only further downtown. It’s world class, elegant and the waiters are as tasty-looking as the sirloins.
Which brings me to another slightly older kid — Robert Burck, the Naked Cowboy. That dude who works Times Square — winter, summer or hurricanes wearing only his loaded skivvies. Per some erudite Queens Village bard, the guy was so excited to meet me that his book, “A Centennial Biography,” bitches he could hardly keep his drawers on. Besides bringing an overdue library book back late, I can’t think of a more moving tribute.
Asked “What was the worst sex you ever had?” he said, “Terrific!”
So Brad Pitt is still among People’s Sexiest Men Alive. To honor that he had the Gap make him special leather pants in case his testosterone flares up.
Not only in New York, kids, not only in New York.
