We don’t just need to drain the swamp — we need to put age limits on politicians

Forget about draining the swamp.

It’s clear we have a more pressing matter in Washington, DC: We really need to fill the retirement homes.

Perhaps we should construct a pipeline that transports swamp dwellers of a certain age right to the pickleball court or golf course or hot tub, whatever Boomers get up to these days. I don’t judge.

However, we need age limits for political seats — a stance I once resisted because old people are the coolest. They’re wise, unafraid to offer unvarnished truths and they’ve seen some s–t. Like real s–t, not being micro-aggressed by a barista.

For the record, I aspire to be an old person one day.

But there continues to be a pile up of worrying senior incidents inside the Beltway that have swayed me toward capping eligibility for elected posts at 80.

Last week, 81-year-old Senate Minority leader Mitch McConnell froze up mid-sentence for roughly 20 seconds in front of reporters. The Kentucky Republican, who suffered a concussion back in March, later told CNN that he was “fine.”

Then there was California’s Sen. Dianne Feinstein, 90, who had the be prodded to perform the most rudimentary part of her job: saying “aye” while voting on a $831.781 billion Defense Appropriations bill.

This was a far cry from 2019 Feinstein, who smartly told a bunch of kiddie climate activists to go pound salt (saying their resolution “will not pass the Senate and you can take that back to whoever sent you here”) — a reminder that most of us, eventually, precipitously decline.

Feinstein’s sad performance last week was hardly a minor senior moment; stories have circulated for some time that her mental acuity is slipping. If your grandma was that confused and frail, you’d take away her keys and sell her Buick to the teenage neighbor. You wouldn’t want her legacy to be disgraced in front of the whole nation.

And yes, in the halls of our government — where a swearing-in seems to come with a tube of Gorilla Glue so political leaders can affix themselves to their seats — these long-timers are voted in by constituents, over and over. But thanks to America’s strong two-party system, many voters simply pull the lever for whoever appears next to their preferred consonant, R or D, without giving a thought to age.

Take once-nimble President Joe Biden. At times, the now 80-year-old makes as much sense as the town drunk on day six of a week-long bender. He gives jumbled answers to simple questions, wanders off live television sets and falls walking up steps. He is the undisputed air-handshake champion of DC.

And yet he’s gearing up to vie for a second presidential term, with the full wind of the Democrat machine at his back. His likely Republican opponent is Donald Trump, 77.

One of his biggest supporters is Nancy Pelosi who, at 83, called Biden a “kid,” adding that “age is relative.”

And that’s true to a point: Take Chuck Grassley, the senator from Iowa who still seems mentally agile at 89.

But unless these maturing pols secretly discover the “Cocoon” pool, it’s time for them to step down. Maybe into an advisory role. Or simply enjoy the fruits of their labor, whether it’s a bunch of vacation homes or their seven grandkids. (Congrats to Biden for finally remembering he has seven.)

Ailing, aging or incapacitated politicians is hardly a new issue. Woodrow Wilson had a stroke and his wife secretly took the reins, FDR hid his failing health, and Ronald Reagan’s son has said the Gipper showed signs of Alzheimer’s while in the White House.

But in new climate with social media, cable news and ubiquitous cameras, there is no curtain to wedge between the public and a faltering public servant. Politics is now a full contact sport with an eager audience accessing every cough, spit and stumble.

I don’t even mind GOP hopeful Nikki Haley’s idea, calling for pols over 75 to take a mental competency test. Hell, maybe every candidate should take one, no matter their age.

As a hopefully future old person, I wouldn’t want the lasting image of me at my most fragile and vulnerable. Anyone who has watched a loved one fall into the throes of a physical or mental ailment can attest, the process is heartbreaking and dehumanizing.

The atrophying of a once great mind shouldn’t be on display for public consumption.

This isn’t simply about freeing up long-held seats to allow fresh blood and new voices in the halls of government. It’s also about giving humans their dignity.